Smile
by Lightsohot
Summary: Misaki feels unwanted to his loved, Usagi-san. Usagi-san knows how Misaki feels but what can he do? Misaki falls into a depressing state. Can Usagi help him before Misaki does something he regrets? Or does Usagi do something that scars their relationship and Misaki. Rated M ( cutting / thoughts of suicide / drug use / sum lemon )
1. You love me, don't you?

**Chapter 1: You love me, don't you?**

 **Third person**

"God dammit!" yelled Usagi-san as he kicked the wood desk. As he regretted his

previous action from the pain in his foot as his lover Misaki Takahashi came in with a worried look.

"W-What's wrong Usagi-san?" questioned Misaki as he leaned against the wall trying to keep his eyes open to listen to his loved ones problem.

"Oh, nothing. I might not be able to join you in your slumber tonight." replied Usagi-San disappointed as he continued to stare at his laptop.

"Ah, o-ok. Take care, night." wished Misaki as he turned around and returned to the room that is claimed his as long as he stayed with Usagi-san. Misaki stood near the door but far enough so Usagi-san can't see him waiting for Usage's reply. After a minute or two there was no reply. Misaki returned to his room as he sighed.

 **Misaki's pov**

I went in my room and shut the door. As I got on the bed I've been sleeping in for as long as I have known Usagi-san I realized he has been getting so distant. He doesn't say goodnight anymore like how he used to and he doesn't attack me with kisses anymore. I guess he has just grown tired of me.. I pulled up my long sleeve revealing battle scars.. Battle scars from all the wars I lost to my depression. As I run my finger down the self-harm cuts I formed the day before a tear runs down my eye.

"Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.. He wouldn't be the first" I commented softly trying not to break down. I pulled down my sleeve and grabbed the covers pulling them up to my shoulders. I shed another tear then close my eyes trying to sleep.

 **Usagi-san's pov**

"There's something wrong with that boy" I thought. When Misaki left the room he didn't look at me or smile. He just left with no emotion. I got up from my seat instantly trying to catch up with Misaki. He never tells me anything and it hurts. Whatever he is hiding I need to figure ou-

"Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.. He wouldn't be the first" said Misaki. He's talking so softly.. He obviously didn't want me to hear that and yet I still did. Does he really think that? I can't do anything about it now, I have to wait until morning to do anything. I need to finish my work and Misaki probably doesn't want to be bothered right now.

 **Third person**

Usagi-san went back to his previous area and continued to work. Misaki fell asleep fast, the two ended their day here, both thinking of one another.

 **Authors note:**

Hoped you liked that ._.

This will be updated when I have inspiration (feeling depressed. considering this is meant to be a depressing fan fiction)


	2. I'm sorry

**Chapter 2: I'm sorry**

The next morning, I woke up from my slumber and pushed off my blanket. It was cold.. It felt empty without Usagi-san. I got up out of bed and walked out the room. When I looked into Usagi-san's room he was sitting on the bed staring at the door as if he was waiting for me to appear.

"G-Good morning" I said nervously then I bowed. He walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. He was warm which is weird.. He's always so cold but now I feel safe and like I could stay in this position forever.

"Misaki" whispered Usagi-san. He hugged me even tighter then kissed my cheek. I blushed hard then pulled out of the hug and turned around to walk downstairs. I ran into the kitchen and started breakfast. Once I put my apron on I felt another warm tight hug.

"Baka-Usagi! I'm cooking!" I yelled trying to push him off but the older man was way stronger than me. The pervert kissed my neck repeatedly as I let out a squeak.

"U-Usagi!"

 **BOOM!** Smashed the door open as Aikawa smashed the door open and walked up to Usagi-san.

"GAHHH!" I yelled pushing off the old man.

"What do you want?" said Usagi-San irritated, he then turned and looked at the aggravated Aikawa.

"DID YOU FINISH YOUR WORK?!" yelled Aikawa.

"Yes, I did actually." Usagi-san replied shifting his eyes to the finished work on the table.

"Oh, good! I'll leave you alone now." Exclaimed Aikawa. Then she grabbed the papers and ran out the house closing the door behind her. By the time she left I was already done with the food. It wasn't meant to be a feast considering it was only for two people so it was faster to make. I put the food on the table and looked at Usagi.

"Misaki" he whispered hugging me once again.

"I love you Misaki" Those words echoed in my head

 **He's lying.**

 **He doesn't care about you.**

 **Don't trust him.**

I pushed him off nervously then turned around.

"E-Enjoy your food" I said then I ran upstairs into my room.

 **I can't let him hurt me.**

 **No one loves me.**

 **I know it.**

Soon enough, I broke down crying. As I ran into my room I shut the door hard then sat down on the floor softly crying.

 **Suicide..**

 **Cut…**

I hate when this happens.. it hurts.. so much. It makes me want to die, but what's new? I got back up and went through my dresser. I wish whenever he told me he loved me I could say he's not lying but he his. I know he his. Ah, there it is. I grabbed out my best friend razor and then shut the dresser. I just need to feel something just for now. I sat on the bed and pulled up my sleeve. Breathing in, I ran the razor across my wrist forming a cut. It felt good.. I did it over and over again still softly crying.

 **He'll never love you.**

Once I heard that I couldn't control my hand. I cut faster and deeper. I then processed the cuts on my arm then freaked out. I cut to much! This will take forever to heal! Usagi-san will find out!

 **It's not like he would care.**

I cut again. This time it was deeper than I have ever done before. I cried harder knowing Usagi-san heard me.

"Misaki!" he yelled. His heavy footsteps get closer and closer. I rush and hide the blade in my dresser. He's still walking up here and I haven't cleaned up this mess!

* * *

I don't write a lot I know ; _ ; I'm sorry.


	3. Bothersome

I'm so sorry lovelys. I was feeling uncreative but I finally did a chapter. Enjoy and lemon warning! This is the first fan fic I have ever wrote and the first lemon scene I have ever wrote so please excuse my terrible writing loves 3 Thanks for waiting.

 **C** **hapter 3**

 **Misaki's pov**

"What am I going to do? He can't find me like this? I'm bothersome enough, I need to hide this." I thought as I emptied my dresser trying to find clothing. I found a black sweater and instantly put it on. "Misaki?" said Usagi-san as he tried to open the door. "uhm.. Y-Yes?" I replied. "Are you ok? Open the door please." He instantly questioned still trying to barge inside. "Yeah, I'm f-fine. Just..uhm.. trying to finish school work" I lied of course, and he of course didn't believe it. "Can you please open the door?" He started getting mad. His tone changed and he's banging harder and harder on the door. "W-well I need to work on this." I answered as I walked to the bed and sat down. "Misaki, open this door. **Now** " He ordered. I didn't even bother replying. I just sat there in silence holding tightly onto my arm which I've just scared many times. "Forget it then." said Usagi-san as he let go of the door knob and left. As his footsteps got farther and farther my grip on my arm loosened. It turned complete silent and I sighed standing up. Once I let go of my arm I slowly looked down at the mess I made on my arm. It was so bad I knew I couldn't wear t-shirts for about 2-3 months. I walked to the door trying not to make any sound. Opening my door I observed my area. Seeing that the coast is clear I then slowly walked to the bathroom hoping Usagi-san didn't see me, and he surprisingly didn't.

Once I got into the bathroom I grabbed a towel and ran water on it then turning off the water I put the towel on my bleeding arm hoping that would stop the bleeding for now. I stood there holding down my arm for 30 seconds. I then pulled off the towel and saw that the bleeding has stopped. With a sigh in relief I opened the door and took the towel back to my room. Walking back my heart stopped as I heard the most heart breaking sentence I could've ever heard.

 **"What a bothersome kid"**

I felt like I stopped breathing. My heart stopped and I stood there in shock. after about a minute of standing in place not breathing I put my head up and continued to walk with a piece of my heart breaking each breath. "I need to leave" Is what I thought "I'm just another bother in his life." I got to my room and started packing silently. If i caused a ruckus Usagi-san will get suspicious. After packing one bag I got really tired for a odd reason. It was only the afternoon and I'm so tired. I decided to lay down and rest for awhile.

 **Usagi-san's pov**

He's so bothersome. I know I can't say that to him because it will just kill him inside but it's kinda true. He's too secretive and it hurts. I know he wasn't working on school work because he would've been downstairs with me just in case he had a problem with something. I decided to call Takahiro. Maybe he can help, he is Misaki's older brother anyways. I walked to the phone and called him up. Ring... Ring... Ring...

"Hello?" Said Takahiro

"Oh hey" I replied

"Usagi-san! How are you? How's Misaki?"

"I'm good but I'm kinda worried about Misaki.."

"What is it?"

"He's too distant now. He won't talk to me about anything! I tried talking to him but he just puts his head down and walks back to his room"

"hm.. he's never done that.. Since I'm not busy with work and I haven't visited in a while I'll come over and stay with you guys for a week"

"That sounds great!"

"Haha, well I'll text you when I'm there."

"Ok, bye"

He then hung up. Conversations with Takahiro are never long. Well of course we are ex's anyways.

I need Misaki, if he likes it or not. I'll force it on him. I walked upstairs and opened his door which was unlocked.. He was asleep. What a perfect time.

 **Lemon warning**

I walked to him slowly and looked at him. He was facing up flat on his back. I got on the bed and slowly took his pants off trying not to wake him up. After taking his pants off I took off this boxers leaving his lower half naked. I looked up at him and he was still sound asleep. I poked at his member then wrapped my hand around it. I slowly started jacking him off. Silent moans came from him then he woke up. "U-Usagi-san, w-what are you do- Ahh!" he moaned out. I moved my hands faster "nngh. Usagi.." He moaned out once again. I made my grip harder and moved my hands up and down faster which made him cum as he moaned loudly arching his back. "That was fast as always" I joked licking my hand then I took off my shirt and put a finger inside his hole. I started thrusting my finger fast which made Misaki react crazy. We haven't had sex in a long time so I expect the best out off him. "You're not fully ready but I cant hold back" I took off my pants with my boxers and took my staff then entered him hard. "USAGI!" He yelled then started moaning loud. I thrusted hard in him. He was too tight that I would finish if I thrusted faster. "H-harder.. please." Misaki moaned wrapping his arms around my neck. I then thrusted harder, causing him to moan louder and louder arching his back. "Usagi! I can't.." I thrusted faster about to finish but of course misaki did first ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) following him I finished deep inside of him groaning. I looked at Misaki and he was passed out. I pulled out then pulled up my pants and laid down next to him.

 **Misaki's pov**

WHAT THE FUCKKCKCKCKCK. I was just heartbroken by this pervert. Anger, depression, and guilt filled me up the my limit and he had the audacity to come in and fuck me. I can't believe I'm that venerable, that's probably why he's with me. Just to fuck. My brother would probably give a few kicks but me I just let it happen. He didn't kiss me once or tell me he loved me. He just came in and entered my body then left. Actually did he leave? Did I even cover up my cuts? I woke up then looked at Usagi-san who was staring at my arm filled of cuts with tears in his eyes. "This can't be happening.." I said. My older lover looked at me. I then passed out wishing not to wake up.

* * *

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. Nii-san?

Loving your guys reviews ;^)

 **Chapter 4: Nii-san?**

 **Misaki's pov**

After my previous pass out i soon woke up to a empty room. I looked around and saw no sign of Usagi-san. I looked at my arm which was on my chest and not on the side where Usagi-san was looking at my cuts. It was probably just a really.. really bad dream from anxiety. I stood up in pain. It was always like this after me and Usagi-san fucked. I hated saying that put it's true I always end up with my bum hurting and barley walking. Standing up was just hell, I fell and ended up crawling back out of my room. Once I got out of the room I observed my surroundings. Still no Usagi-san to be seen, I tried to carefully walk downstairs and I still saw no Usagi. There was no note, nothing. Just a empty house with a empty soul roaming it. I crawled to the living room and laid down in pain. "I'll have to starve. I'm in to much pain to even bother making breakfast" I said. My voice slightly echooed through the house. It was a sad echo. My voice was cracky and annoying. I laid there silently waiting for my lover to come home. I'll wait as long as I need to.

 **2 hours past**

It's been 2 hours 25 minutes and 24 seconds.. 27..28..29.. He still hasn't come home. I turned to look at the door. "Usagi-san probably just got tired of m-" I said but was interrupted by a opening door followed by two men laughing. It was Usagi-san! and nii-san? Usagi-san looked so happy, I haven't seen him this happy since the last time nii-san visited. Maybe he's truly better off without me. I looked at the two and it hurt to say this but they looked perfect together. Both laughing with a spark in their eyes and big smiles.. Something I might never experience again. Once Usagi-san's eyes met mines the happiness in his eyes died. It felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart and left me to suffer, I bothered Usagi so much that he isn't even happy with me anymore. "Misaki!" said nii-san as he walked over to me. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I looked at him faking a smile. "I'm staying for a week" He replied. NO! He can't! If he does Usagi-san will leave me for him. No that can't be. Nii-san has a family waiting at ho- No.. they split up (I'm sorry) I can't afford letting Usagi-san go. He doesn't need me and I'm trying to accept that but I need him. He's all I have. "Misaki you ok? You look like you're lost in your thoughts" Usagi-san questioned as he walked over to me and put a hand on my back. I shivered and replied "Yep, I'm fine." putting a bigger fake smile on. "Good, we'll be upstairs putting Takahiros stuff away." He exclaimed. He was obviously happy about nii-san being here. Too happy actually. "W-wait, can you..uhm.. carry me back to my room?" I asked. I wanted to be next to them to see if they did something. As soon as I finised my sentence Usagi-San scooped me up from the couch and carried me upstairs. He feels oddly warm.. So warm I automatically snuggled up to him. I knew he was surprised because he slightly flinched and held me tighter. We were half way upstairs so nii-san couldn't see us. "Please stay.." I whispered. Once we got into the room he laid me down and looked at me. "What's wrong?" He questioned. "Nothing, nothing.. You're just..really...really.. warm." I answered looking into his eyes. He understood. "Takahiro is tired so I'll let him borrow my room then I'll come back." He smiled. "ok.. hurry." I pleaded. He then left not looking back.

It was only 5 minutes and Usagi-san came back in. "That was fast.." I commented. "I didn't want to leave you hanging" He said then closed the door and locked it. "I told your brother that I would be helping you with school work so he won't come in." He said walking to the other side of the bed. He then laid down next to me and pulled me close. I felt like such a bother but I couldn't help it, I'm in love with him and I just want him to love me back. "I love you." Whispered Usagi.

 **He's such a good liar**

The voice is back. The voice that caused me to be such a bother to Usagi-san. "I love you too." I whispered back with no shame. What did I need to be afraid of anymore? He already knows I love him. I can't loose him to nii-san. Never.

 **Lemon warning**

I sat up then turned to him. "What is it Misaki?" Usagi asked. "You locked the door right?" I looked at him. "Yea-" he replied but before he finished I was already taking his pants off. "Misaki.." He said out loud. "Shush." I demanded taking his boxers off. I held Usagi-San's member in my hand then covered the tip with my mouth. I moved my head up and down licking the sides, eager to make him cum. A small groan came out of his lips. That's not enough. I moved my head up and down faster tightening my lips harder. "Shit..Misaki.." Usagi-san groaned out. He then pushed my head down and I slightly choked but I got used to it and rubbed my tongue all over moving my head to the tip and back down to the bottom deep-throating his staff. He groaned loudly then came. I soon swallowed and sat up. Pulling off my own pants I get on top of him and slowly slides him in me. I didn't prepare myself so I was tight and he would actually enjoy this. It doesn't matter how much it hurt, I'm not loosing Usagi-san to my own brother. "Misaki you're too tight." He whispered trying to sit up but I pushed him down. "Don't you enjoy it." I whispered back starting to bounce on his lap. I covered my mouth to muffle the incoming moans. I bounced faster and Usagi covered his mouth too groaning. I put two hands on my mouth moaning loudly but I muffled them so they didn't come out as loud. Bouncing harder I was almost finished, I looked at Usagi and he looked like he was about to release also. He looked so sexy then I bent down and kissed him. I haven't kissed him in a long time and I need to now. He kissed back then I pushed my hips down hard which made us both cum together. I pulled him out of me then I laid next to him panting heavily.

"One more round" Demanded Usagi-san. "w-wait" I pleaded but he was already between my legs and was already in me. I moaned loudly

Knock Knock.

"Usagi-san?" said Nii-san. "Is he done with his work?" He asked.

Then he tried to open the door which I was so happy was locked.

Usagi-san started thrusting again which made me moan crazy.

"Misaki? What's wrong?"


	5. Leaving

Aye, I'm back. I have to take my wisdom teeth out so I thought i can relief stress by writing.

 **Misakis POV**

I woke up to a empty room. No Usagi. Was it going to be like this now? He fucks me then leaves. I sat up and slowly stumbled to the door and opened it. There was no voices.. The house was empty. Didn't Nii-san say he came here to see me? What a lie, that kept me joining for 5 minutes. I walked downstairs to see a mess. I see.. I'm just a slave to them and I'm a sex slave to Usagi. I sighed then started to clean up the mess.

 **30 minutes later**

I fell on the couch, tired. There was so much to clean.. I wonder if they will come back or if they will just leave me. I looked at my phone which was right next to me. It buzzed as I got a text message. It was from Usagi-san.. Maybe it was a break up text. Maybe he finally will confront me that I'm nothing but a bother to him. I opened my phone reading the message.

 _Great news! Takahiro and Manami have agreed to get back together! Sadly Takahiro will have to go back to Osaka.._

I was ok with Nii-san leaving. As harsh as that sounds it's true. It's only said to Usagi-san. His true love is leaving.

 _Oh, ok. Where are you guys?_ i replied

 _We are at the diner near by_ Usagi replied in seconds.

So they went to dinner without me.. I would understand.

 _Haha, ok. Come home soon._ I replied

I waited and waited for that "I love you" text but it never came. I guess he just grew tired of me. I can't keep doing this though.. If he wants someone else he should just tell me. I need confront him about this. I can't keep being a bother; If he wants me to leave he should've just told me.

 **2 hours later**

"Misaki, I'm home." exclaimed Usagi as he walked to me closing the door behind him. "Usagi.. Can we talk?.." I asked. "Sure, what about?" he answered. "Well.. You still love me right?" I questioned looking into his eyes. There was silence.

 **He didn't**

 **He lost interest**

 **I knew it.**

"Ok." I said looking down. "Wait.. Misaki." Usagi-san said grabbing my arm. I yanked my arm back and looked at him crying "I knew it! I fucking knew it! You didn't need me anymore did you?! You just played me! If you never LOVE ME YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME!" I yelled. "Misaki.." Usagi-san shocked. I walked upstairs and went in my room looking at the bag I packed a day or two ago and grabbed it. I walked back downstairs then walked passed Usagi-san then stopped. "I love you. If you don't love me I understand. I wouldn't love a bother either." Then i walked out the house. This was it. I needed to live on my own now.

 **Usagi-sans POV**

"Well.. You still love me right?"said my lover. I froze. Did he think I didn't love him? Why would he ask that? Why is his voice so scratchy? Misaki.. Please talk to m- "Ok." What? No Misaki. "Wait..Misaki" I said. I know he was hurt by my silence. I grabbed his arm trying to stop him which was soon yanked back to him. "I knew it! I fucking knew it! You didn't need me anymore did you?! You just played me! If you never LOVE ME YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME!" He yelled. "Misaki.." No. I didn't mean it like that. I love you I really do. I looked down in shock then looked back up to see Misaki holding a bag. "I love you. If you don't love me I understand. I wouldn't love a bother either." He cried then left. Once he closed that door I started crying. Misaki felt like I didn't love him. It was so bad that he even had to confront me and then he left. Misaki, I'm the worst. Will you ever forgive me?

* * *

This was short... Forgive me please. :):


	6. Letting go

_im supposed to be working on homewor-_

 ** _2 weeks later_**

 **Misaki's POV**

 _I've been doing great! By great I mean crying every night and cutting more._ I was laying down on my bed in my new apartment. _I didn't tell anyone where I was going. Not Nii-san, not.. well that's the only person I would actually tell._ My body is covered with cuts, cuts on my thighs and cuts on my arms. Some on my stomach.. I was a real mess. I have bloodshot eyes and my skin has gotten really pale.

I'm also eating less so I've become really skinny. But I really don't care. It's better if I'm dead anyways. No one needs me, No one loves me. I would know by now if anyone did.  
I was a bother to everyone in my life. Also, I was right about Usagi not loving me.. I mean come on! He hasn't tried to call me once. I understand though. Who wants trash right? I softly ran my fingers down my arm filled with battle scars. They're so ugly.. I sat up and got off the bed.

I slowly walked out of the room and entered my living room. I didn't have a huge area to live in like when I was living with Usagi but I'm only going to live here. I never want to date a living soul again. I walked into the kitchen and ripped open the fridge door grabbing another can of beer. Oh did I forget to say this.

I also have a drinking problem now. It's the only way I can prevent from cutting and it makes me forget everything. But after it all comes back. I started chugging down the beer. Sadly, It was the last can. When I finished I shut my fridge and put on my coat. I knew I wouldn't last all day without alcohol, that's mad. I slowly walked to my front door and walked out. Locking my door, I put on my shoes.

Once I got outside I realized it was night time. I didn't even notice. It's not like I've been keeping up with my time anyways. I didn't care, I don't even know what day it is. I started walking down the street to the closest groceries store when I stopped. I saw him. Usagi, but he was with someone else. He was with Senpai. They were close, lover close.  
I smiled.  
A broken smile.

I understood though, out the old in the new, right? I mean I was just a bother to him. He deserved so much better. He gave me so much for me to just throw it away and be troublesome to him. He's such a good man, I love hi-  
He looked at me.

I turned and ran into the store, realizing I was staring at the man for too long. Not like he would go after me though. He probably was disgusted, I probably brought back terrible memories of us to him. Speed-walking into the alcohol aisle I grabbed a bunch of beer. I don't care what it is, I need to forget this moment, now.

"Misaki." He called

I slowly looked at him and saw a sad expression. I need to go. I need to leave. I need to make sure he doesn't find me again.

I started walking away, fast. I paid for everything then ran.

"MISAKI!" He yelled.

 _Please my love, It's better like this._

I ran to my apartment and got in but I was then followed by Usagi. He held the door open and let himself in closing it behind him.

"M-misaki." He said catching his breath

 _Don't run after me. I'm not worth it._

He then grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to find a new place. I wanted him to forget me. I wanted him to move on. But, I can't. It's not that I don't want to. I just, can't. My body's too weak. I haven't eaten in so long, I've been running on beer, I've lost so much blood.

He then kissed me

 _Oh, did I miss his touch._

"Please, come back, I love you."

 _That's when I snapped out it._

"No, you don't" I said

"Huh?"

 _Drive him out._

"You don't love me. I know. I already... know." I silently said trying not to cry.

"I do love y-"

"No, you don't. You think you do. But when you really think about it, you never did. You only needed me for backup. That's no love."

"Misaki.."

"However, I do love you. And I always will." I said looking at him.

"Then come back with me!"

"I love you so much to let you go." I replied.

He looked at me shocked. I put the beer on the floor and slowly pushed him out my house.

"Pleas-"

"Have a good life, start new. Find a lover, make sure they treat you right. Take care of yourself. Be good. Remember, I love you." I smiled pushing him out and closing my door.

 _I needed him._

Once I locked my door, I fell. I fell crying. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the pain of knowing I am the one causing so much pain to the person I love the most. The only person I will ever love on this planet.

Everything started to get dark, _I knew this would happen soon._

* * *

I'm back! I've been having so much trouble with, everything. I had this a long time ago but I never posted it. Love you guys 3


	7. I'll end it

_It hurt, so much._

In the end he did find someone else. He has a girlfriend. She's so pretty, and nice. I ran into her when buying more alcohol. She's so nice too. I just can't believe he moved on.

 _So fast._

It's been, what? 2-3 months?

I'm not recovering, but I guess he's doing way better without me. I like it that way. I like that he's happy. I like that he has someone that makes him feel better.

 _,but it hurts_

It hurts knowing I was the one holding him down. That he wasn't actually the one for me. I love him so much. I thought he loved me too, but I guess things don't always go my way, haha.

After the break up, I couldn't get myself back on my feet.

I dropped out, failing my brother.

I've locked myself in my house, living off alcohol and pizza.

,But I end up throwing up everything so I've been losing weight.

I feel so broken. I'm so weak, I keep complaining, talking about dying, but I'm too much of a pussy to actually take action. I need to do something.

After hours of thinking, I've decided to end it tonight.

It's better doing it early then planning it later, and having to live on this unfair no-good planet.

I want to be free. I want this weight on my shoulders to be gone. Before you say anything about me being selfish, I already got that.

 _It's selfish, but who will really care, later?_

Nii-san doesn't, he has his loving wife, his child. He's doing great. He doesn't even call me anymore to check up. It's like he has forgotten me. I'm ok with that.

Usagi-san. I can't bring myself to leave him, but he has left me already. He has moved on. He doesn't need me. I'm just waiting for him to tell me he doesn't want her, he wants me, but that's too good to be true.

Later that night,

I got my rope, I can't believe I'm doing this.

 _Will anyone even find me?_

I already wrote my suicide note. It was short, but it's not like I really needed to say anything. Anyone who read it would've forgot it the next day. No point in putting work into it.

 _I want someone to find me._

Why? Why do I have to be like this?

I called Usagi-san,

 _I doubt he will answer, he probably deleted my nu-_

In one ring, he answered

"Hello, Misaki? Are you ok?"

 _Why do you have to still remember me?_  
 _Why do you act so nice to me?_

"Usagi-san.."

"Misaki? What's wrong? You never call me. I'm going to come over, I'm free right now. Let's talk, please."

"N-no, I.. uh.."

 _please don't see me like this_

"I wanted to say.. I love you.. and I always will."

Then I hung up.

I hope he doesn't come to me.

I don't want him to see this disgusting body hanging from the ceiling.

I jumped on my chair.

I tied the rope around the hook on the roof.

Wrapped the rope around my neck and tied a knot,

and stood there.

I couldn't do it. It hurt. I didn't want to leave everyone, but I knew it was best. No one would care if I left. The earth wouldn't stop moving. People wouldn't stop going to work. Kids wouldn't stop going to school. I never had a impact on this damned world. _No one would care if I left._

I kicked the chair back and hung myself.

I started crying, hard.

 _It hurt, so much._

My vision turned blurry. I knew I was finally free.

Then, I saw my door slam open.

And it all went black.


	8. My baby

_My baby._

Sadness, was the only emotion I felt at the moment.

I'm looking at my former lover, that I oh love so much. Hang from his ceiling.

I ran to him and started pushing his body up so if he was still alive, he could breathe.

I untied the rope, crying. It was too much to handle.

I failed you, love. _I failed you._

I'm now in the hospital, just waiting for them to tell me he's ok.

He can't die on me. He's my everything. My only reason to be on this planet. My only true love. My only one..

I don't need anyone else, but if he does pass away. I'll take myself with him. I can't live without him, and I can't live knowing this is how he died. Who knows the reasons of his passing? I could've caused it. I felt like I caused it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, knowing I'm the one that caused my baby's death. I couldn't live like that. It would drive me crazy.

I was getting tired of these depressing thoughts. I thought of happier moments, before all of this happened. Back when we were so happy together and it was all laughs and jokes. We would always smile. I never thought it would turn to this.

I need to see him. I can't wait. I want him to walk out of there with a bright smile. I'd confess to him, and claim him. He'd understand and call me an idiot for being corny. I'd laugh and we'd go home. Sadly, life doesn't work like that. You can't wish for something, and have it come true.

I waited..

and waited..

"He's stable, you're very lucky to have gotten him down, fast."

"When can I see him?"

"You can go in, but he is in a coma. We don't know when he will wake up."

"Thank you." I said, as I got up and walked to his room.

He was pale, skinny, and _broken._

I hated seeing him like this. He looked so fragile. I wanted to touch him, hug him, kiss him, but I felt like if i did. He would shatter.

"Oh how I missed your small figure, your bright green eyes, your wide smile, and your affection. You were all I could ask for," I continued, talking to him. "Were? Are. You are all I can ask for. I love you so much. Please wake up, love. I'll make sure you know, you're my only. I've broken up with her. I know you've heard I found someone else. It was my father. He caused this. I never loved her, and I haven't loved anyone else. You're my everything. I can't breathe without you."

I don't even know why I was talking to him. He couldn't hear me, but I felt like he could. I felt like he knows I'm here. That he knows I'll be waiting for him to wake up, and I will be. I'm not leaving him. Never again. He'll always be with me. When he gets out, I'll make him feel like the only person in the world.

 _I'm all talk._

I grabbed his hand and kissed him.

"I'll wait for you, love."

I kissed him again and put my head next to his leg, still holding his hand.

I just stared at him, _he is beautiful._

My eyes started to get heavy.

 _I'm so tired._

 _Me, Akihiko Usami will promise to always love you, Misaki._

I closed my eyes, and slept.

 ** _You never know how much you love someone till you lose them._**

* * *

Sorry for leaving out of nowhere, again. I'm having a mental fight at the moment. I'll try to continue though.

Love you guys - Light


End file.
